Updated: Feb 10
Helen Frankenthaler in her studio
I love Helen's work because she was very experimental, playful, lively and fluid.
I think Jean Michel Basquiat felt alien in the real world and the art world. His loneliness seems to be a driving force throughout his whole career. This page reminded me of the time when I was in arts high school in a student halls. At the time I was taking antidepressants.
I started developing symptoms of narcolepsy. Once my friend Lena told me that
one night I visited her covered in tears speaking in surprisingly what sounded like a mixture of Korean and Japanese. She was confused and asked " Sweetheart are you homesick "
I relate to Jean-Michel a lot in terms of the cultural position as well as struggling to belong.
I started this scarf while reading Como Agua Para Chocolate by Laura Esquivel.
In the second chapter of the book, the main character starts knitting a big blanket whilst going through the most unbearable time of her life.
Knitting this scarf was just supposed to help me pass through the times.
It became almost two meters long.
I don't have a picture of the scarf since I left in the studio. The idea was that it would never necessarily finish and I would just keep adding a ball of yarn after another. It's also a feeling of living in exile. Having been homesick for one year and seven months I feel that I'm doing time.
Imagined conversations between a son and his dead mother.
Even when a dear one dies, the conversation never ends.
I also wanted to challenge the parent- child dynamic by these time traveling letters where the mother speaks of her own childhood and her life as if she was a friend to her son.
Sometimes the idea of someone in our mind is completely fabricated because of their position. For instance the way I see my friend Hinako might be completely different from how her boss sees her. It's very hard to get an accurate understanding of someone. Yet we long so hard to be understood. The American writer J. D. Salinger lived as a hermit isolated in a house in New Hampshire.
He wrote most of his books in solitude. Especially the books about the Glass family who was an imaginary family of child prodigies becoming lost later in life.
When people are young they often have imaginary friends yet
as we grow older we are no longer permitted such luxury.
" Ending Credits "
There are text to speech robots reading some of the letters from the Megumi to Jeremy series.
I was looking for voices to read the letters, but couldn't find anyone to play the roles well.
For Megumi, I imagine someone with a husky voice like Karen O.
And for Jeremy, I'm thinking of a softer, more sincere voice like Bill Murray's.
This painting to me is a huge failure because it looks washed out and I hate the way the colour looks. It looks like mould. The mouldy looking thing is actually fake grass for architecture sets.
I glued it on because I wanted to experiment with texture but it didn't really work out.
Also maybe I should go back to doing oils or start something completely new.
I hate this painting with a burning passion. But I guess failure is part of the process.
It's just sad that I have to upload this online. If I did it again I would use wooden surface instead because the wrinkles of the fabric is way too distracting. As for the conversations going on within the paintings. One of the sentences says "Mi amor, no estoy triste" (My love i'm not sad) and the other says "the eternal fraction of time spent with you is the treasure of my life". Sometimes the daily conversations bleed in into the work. I wonder what silence would do.
I noticed that since being in this city, words started to appear in my paintings.
This series of photographs were made to try and capture the disenchantment of January. It breaks my heart to see all these trees being thrown out knowing that just a month prior to this they were beautifully decorated and cherished.
I wanted to give the trees some kind of voice and representation.
My intent was to take hundreds of these photos and display them covered on walls of a gallery overwhelming the viewers. I wanted people to stop and have second thoughts.
To question the things they simply brush away.
Just an imagined underwater scene where everything is quiet and pleasant.
" Nothing is more difficult than surrendering to the instant.
That difficulty is human pain.
It is ours. I surrender in words and I surrender when I paint. "
From the book Agua Viva by Claire Lispector
Sometimes when I feel incredibly stuck, trapped and unhappy I like to edit films.
Making films about life was heavily influenced by growing up in the early 2000s with video cameras. I remember everything I did was filmed by my father who followed me around with those camcorders. At the time I was annoyed but as years went by I started doing the same, recording everything because I understood that this might be the last time I see them. After watching "50 First Dates", an American romantic comedy movie where the main character suffers from short term memory loss and her love interest ends up making a movie about their love story to play every morning as she wakes up to help her remember her brief history and life events. It just inspired me more to do it. The song played on the background of this video is called "Fences" by a Korean rapper named Woo. He is rapping about being trapped within himself, being so frustrated by
the walls he built and knowing that the only way to break free was to keep making music. I chose this track because everywhere seems to be fenced up in this city and also since covid happened I think everybody feels locked up in themselves. It is impossible to ignore yourself when you are the only one left in your life. Making these videos declutter my mind so I call this "Dust Bunny"